1. Drunken Fortune-Telling: I'm a whizz with palmistry and Tarot cards, but (it has been demonstrated at parties and in pubs), the more pissed I get, the more accurate my predictions and hence the blunter my predictions. I once told a young engaged couple to, 'CALL IT OFF RIGHT NOW!' and they broke up 2 months later. To quote Johnny Rotten, it was, "Nothing to do with me, mate..."
2. Sex: I wish people would stop coming up to me for advice about sex. I'm told that I'm easy to confide in, unshockable and refreshingly honest, which is quite flattering but to be 'refreshingly honest', I've had enough! Talk to a professional instead...
3. Earworms- They sound disgusting, but they're just bits of music that you can't get out of your head. You have your own personal 'earworms'. Mine are particularly stubborn:
a) "Imperial March" from 'The Empire Strikes Back'
b) The theme tune from "Airwolf" (when I was young, I thought my brother was watching his taped 'Airwolf' episodes everyday- he wasn't. It was this tune that kept ringing in my head. I still don't understand how this arrangement of slightly out-of -tune analog synths and bass so brilliantly evokes the sound of whirring helicopter blades)
c) "Hawaii Five-0". Also reminds me of that lame joke, "How does Jack Lord ("Hawaii Five-0's lead actor) address his father? Pa-pa papa paahh-paahh!"
4. Mascara- In a tight spot, it's a very handy self-defense weapon. I choose my mascara according to the shape of the tube- the thicker and more tapered the better. I recommend L'Oreal's Volume Shocking Mascara (by the way, it also gives you wonderfully lush lashes with just one stroke of the wand..)
5. Prayer: Before and after class at Bedford Square, I used to walk into the British Museum and pray to a statue or representation of a different deity every week. Were they listening to me? I'm not sure, but I realized that the ritual and routine of prayer is powerful in itself.
6. Zen garden- I made my own Zen garden when I was at my last job- it was made from a spare 'Inbox/ Outbox' tray. The problem with this improvised Zen garden was that people started dumping paper in it whenever I was out. (There's a lesson to be learnt from that, but I haven't figured it out yet...)
7. Stuffed Animals- I used to arrange them on my shelf, according to genus. Teddy bears went under, "ursidae". lions- "panthera", dogs- "canis", I gave up when someone gave me a platypus.
8. French- I translate English song lyrics into French for fun. I've discovered that Joy Division songs sound even more wretched in French (C'est impossible mais vrai!)
9. Funerals- I tend to laugh during funerals. I know it sounds appalling but I was told that I'm the sort of person who releases pent-up emotions differently. So, I try not to get caught releasing 'pent-up emotions' at inappropriate times.
10. MacGuyver- I tried out something I saw on 'MacGuyver', when I was 15. In one episode, MacGuyver had to plug a leak in a huge tank of sulphuric acid in a factory, so he used as many bars of chocolate as he could get from the vending machines. According to him, the sulphuric acid reacts with the sugar/ fat to form a hard impermeable layer. I tried it in chemistry class, with a test-tubeful of sulphuric acid and 2 Kit-Kat fingers. The sulphuric acid was heavily diluted and turned the Kit-Kat into a sticky mush. (If only I'd paid more attention to the science than Richard Dean Anderson...) And I was fined 50 cents for ruining a test-tube.
11. Copper sulphate- I've always loved the vivid azure blue of copper sulphate crystals. At the end of another chemistry class, I had ten minutes to spare, so I decided to make some copper sulphate. I added copper carbonate to sulphuric acid ( this accursed substance!). There was no warning, no fizzing, snap, crackle or pop. Instead the test-tube shattered as if by poltergeist activity (I should have added some hydrochloric acid first...). And I was fined another 50 cents
12. Sade- I always had a strong feeling that a lot of twenty-somethings born in 1986 were conceived with Sade's 'Diamond Life' album playing in the background. There's a basis for an interesting survey...
13. 'Dirty Dancing'- I admit that I didn't see it until 2002. I realized that it's similar to that other event dance-movie, 'Saturday Night Fever', whereby everyone remembers the dancing and soundtrack that glosses over the elements of gritty social commentary but not the actual movie.
14. Medicine- I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up and I still like to read the BMJ when I can get my hands on a copy . My family calls me, "Dr.Lee" because my armchair diagnoses have proven to be more accurate than professional ones ( in Malaysia that's really terrifying...)
15. Appendix- up to a year ago I still kept mine in a jar. Not as a reminder never to take my health for granted after 4 horrendous nights in hospital- I enjoy grossing people out sometimes.
16. Oreos- I unscrew them, scrape off the cream filling, replace the two halves back together and eat the filling and biscuit separately. It tastes better and the packet of Oreos lasts longer
17. Time for Writing- there's no effing short-cut, but no one wants to hear it when I say to them you have to carve out the time if you're serious. For me it's 10pm- 2am (even when holding down a 9-5 job) and 12am- 5am on long weekends and public holidays.
18. Airports- are my personal fascination. Living proof that human beings will never adapt to space-travel, because they can't handle the time-space compression in normal terrestial airports. I remember walking around in circles in Hamburg Airport, at midnight, looking for the inter-terminal train and wondering who's hellish idea it was to blast David Hassellhoff over the PA. I nearly got on the wrong flight to Berlin.
19. Laptop (1)- I have a HP tablet PC, which means that the screen can be swivelled around 180 degrees. This always freaks people out during presentations, 'Can't see from where you're sitting? Well is *this* better?'
20. Laptop (2)- my HP tablet PC also accepts written input from a stylus. I can write directly on the screen, and my handwriting is transcribed into text, so I feel really high-tech and flash until some ignoramus comes along and asks the invariable round of questions: "What are you doing writing on your laptop?", " If it's a laptop, why don't you just type instead?" "Can you use any old pen to write on your laptop?"
21. Nigella Lawson- I do a spot-on, absolutely *wicked* impersonation of her as a party-trick. Especially when it comes to mundane recipes and tasks, such as boiling water and changing light-bulbs.
22. No lpod weekends. I go back to listening to music the old-fashioned way, from CDs and cassettes. Apparently, I'm the only person among my friends who still remembers the arcane art of cassette-to-cassette dubbing.
23. Erotica- I had 4 volumes of the excellent series, 'The Mammoth Book Of Erotic Short Stories'. Strangely, these have disappeared or have been loaned out and never returned. I used to think, 'Mammoth' was a clumsy name for a publishing imprint, but I suppose, 'The Neanderthal/ Sabre-Tooth/ Mastodon/ Stegosaurus Book Of Erotic Short Stories' sounds worse.
24. Natural History- I always go back to the Natural History Museum whenever I'm in London. It's humbling to look at all those remains and think that as human beings, our time will be up
25. As you may have figured out, this list didn't really stick to its title
2. Sex: I wish people would stop coming up to me for advice about sex. I'm told that I'm easy to confide in, unshockable and refreshingly honest, which is quite flattering but to be 'refreshingly honest', I've had enough! Talk to a professional instead...
3. Earworms- They sound disgusting, but they're just bits of music that you can't get out of your head. You have your own personal 'earworms'. Mine are particularly stubborn:
a) "Imperial March" from 'The Empire Strikes Back'
b) The theme tune from "Airwolf" (when I was young, I thought my brother was watching his taped 'Airwolf' episodes everyday- he wasn't. It was this tune that kept ringing in my head. I still don't understand how this arrangement of slightly out-of -tune analog synths and bass so brilliantly evokes the sound of whirring helicopter blades)
c) "Hawaii Five-0". Also reminds me of that lame joke, "How does Jack Lord ("Hawaii Five-0's lead actor) address his father? Pa-pa papa paahh-paahh!"
4. Mascara- In a tight spot, it's a very handy self-defense weapon. I choose my mascara according to the shape of the tube- the thicker and more tapered the better. I recommend L'Oreal's Volume Shocking Mascara (by the way, it also gives you wonderfully lush lashes with just one stroke of the wand..)
5. Prayer: Before and after class at Bedford Square, I used to walk into the British Museum and pray to a statue or representation of a different deity every week. Were they listening to me? I'm not sure, but I realized that the ritual and routine of prayer is powerful in itself.
6. Zen garden- I made my own Zen garden when I was at my last job- it was made from a spare 'Inbox/ Outbox' tray. The problem with this improvised Zen garden was that people started dumping paper in it whenever I was out. (There's a lesson to be learnt from that, but I haven't figured it out yet...)
7. Stuffed Animals- I used to arrange them on my shelf, according to genus. Teddy bears went under, "ursidae". lions- "panthera", dogs- "canis", I gave up when someone gave me a platypus.
8. French- I translate English song lyrics into French for fun. I've discovered that Joy Division songs sound even more wretched in French (C'est impossible mais vrai!)
9. Funerals- I tend to laugh during funerals. I know it sounds appalling but I was told that I'm the sort of person who releases pent-up emotions differently. So, I try not to get caught releasing 'pent-up emotions' at inappropriate times.
10. MacGuyver- I tried out something I saw on 'MacGuyver', when I was 15. In one episode, MacGuyver had to plug a leak in a huge tank of sulphuric acid in a factory, so he used as many bars of chocolate as he could get from the vending machines. According to him, the sulphuric acid reacts with the sugar/ fat to form a hard impermeable layer. I tried it in chemistry class, with a test-tubeful of sulphuric acid and 2 Kit-Kat fingers. The sulphuric acid was heavily diluted and turned the Kit-Kat into a sticky mush. (If only I'd paid more attention to the science than Richard Dean Anderson...) And I was fined 50 cents for ruining a test-tube.
11. Copper sulphate- I've always loved the vivid azure blue of copper sulphate crystals. At the end of another chemistry class, I had ten minutes to spare, so I decided to make some copper sulphate. I added copper carbonate to sulphuric acid ( this accursed substance!). There was no warning, no fizzing, snap, crackle or pop. Instead the test-tube shattered as if by poltergeist activity (I should have added some hydrochloric acid first...). And I was fined another 50 cents
12. Sade- I always had a strong feeling that a lot of twenty-somethings born in 1986 were conceived with Sade's 'Diamond Life' album playing in the background. There's a basis for an interesting survey...
13. 'Dirty Dancing'- I admit that I didn't see it until 2002. I realized that it's similar to that other event dance-movie, 'Saturday Night Fever', whereby everyone remembers the dancing and soundtrack that glosses over the elements of gritty social commentary but not the actual movie.
14. Medicine- I wanted to be a doctor when I grew up and I still like to read the BMJ when I can get my hands on a copy . My family calls me, "Dr.Lee" because my armchair diagnoses have proven to be more accurate than professional ones ( in Malaysia that's really terrifying...)
15. Appendix- up to a year ago I still kept mine in a jar. Not as a reminder never to take my health for granted after 4 horrendous nights in hospital- I enjoy grossing people out sometimes.
16. Oreos- I unscrew them, scrape off the cream filling, replace the two halves back together and eat the filling and biscuit separately. It tastes better and the packet of Oreos lasts longer
17. Time for Writing- there's no effing short-cut, but no one wants to hear it when I say to them you have to carve out the time if you're serious. For me it's 10pm- 2am (even when holding down a 9-5 job) and 12am- 5am on long weekends and public holidays.
18. Airports- are my personal fascination. Living proof that human beings will never adapt to space-travel, because they can't handle the time-space compression in normal terrestial airports. I remember walking around in circles in Hamburg Airport, at midnight, looking for the inter-terminal train and wondering who's hellish idea it was to blast David Hassellhoff over the PA. I nearly got on the wrong flight to Berlin.
19. Laptop (1)- I have a HP tablet PC, which means that the screen can be swivelled around 180 degrees. This always freaks people out during presentations, 'Can't see from where you're sitting? Well is *this* better?'
20. Laptop (2)- my HP tablet PC also accepts written input from a stylus. I can write directly on the screen, and my handwriting is transcribed into text, so I feel really high-tech and flash until some ignoramus comes along and asks the invariable round of questions: "What are you doing writing on your laptop?", " If it's a laptop, why don't you just type instead?" "Can you use any old pen to write on your laptop?"
21. Nigella Lawson- I do a spot-on, absolutely *wicked* impersonation of her as a party-trick. Especially when it comes to mundane recipes and tasks, such as boiling water and changing light-bulbs.
22. No lpod weekends. I go back to listening to music the old-fashioned way, from CDs and cassettes. Apparently, I'm the only person among my friends who still remembers the arcane art of cassette-to-cassette dubbing.
23. Erotica- I had 4 volumes of the excellent series, 'The Mammoth Book Of Erotic Short Stories'. Strangely, these have disappeared or have been loaned out and never returned. I used to think, 'Mammoth' was a clumsy name for a publishing imprint, but I suppose, 'The Neanderthal/ Sabre-Tooth/ Mastodon/ Stegosaurus Book Of Erotic Short Stories' sounds worse.
24. Natural History- I always go back to the Natural History Museum whenever I'm in London. It's humbling to look at all those remains and think that as human beings, our time will be up
25. As you may have figured out, this list didn't really stick to its title
1 comments:
Brilliant post, this. Really made my day!
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